Post-Memoir Insights
I Didn’t Write My Story for People to Like Me
I started writing my story just for kicks. I thought it would be a collection, or compilation of fun and exciting things I did — or wild and crazy things that happened to me.
I had an accumulation of quite a few stories when I started to recognize they were showing some patterns of behavior. At that time, I started understanding that these patterns had lessons to tell me. I didn't yet see what those lessons were but I could see there was more to it than just a group of stories.
Living in the Moment, the Gift and the Curse
Mr. Hyde and Me is documented evidence of a man who knew how to live fully in the moment and feel nothing about the cost. That was both my gift and my curse.
For the past eight years or so. Around the time I retired. I have thought about living in the moment frequently. After retirement it became a topic worth examining. People talk about it as something purposeful. Something meaningful. Something to aspire to.
What Constitutes a Criminal?
There will be those for whom my crimes are disqualifying. No amount of psychological insight, no honest excavation of childhood trauma, no clear-eyed examination of how a good man does bad things will matter. To them, I will remain a liar, a cheater, and a criminal. I understand that. I accept it. I did commit all those crimes and I make no excuses.
When I realized I wasn't just a good guy who did bad things and many of my bad things were criminal. I had to admit—I was a criminal.
