The Gift and The Curse

The divided self lives in the moment.

Not as a philosophy. Not as a wellness practice. As a survival mechanism. What happened in one world did not follow me into my other. There was no guilt bleeding through the wall. No consequences carried forward. Each world was complete and sealed unto itself.

That is the gift. And it is a real one.

The curse is the same thing. A man who feels no consequence in the moment is a man who can do things that shouldn’t be done. The same mechanism that protected me also enabled me. I could not have one without the other.

It was never about right and wrong. There was no moral filter running in the background. The only filter was tactical — is there a way out. If yes, proceed. If no, walk away.

I never thought about getting caught. I thought about whether there was a clear chance to get away. Those are not the same thing.

I did not choose this. It was not a character flaw or a moral failure. It was how my divided-self operated — completely, in the present, with no memory of the other side bleeding through.

My memoir — Mr. Hyde and Me — looks at both sides of that truth. It publishes July 1, 2026.

mrhydeandme.com

This is part of a countdown series leading to the July 1, 2026 launch of Mr. Hyde and Me: How I Live as Two Different Men.

by Benjamin F Sautter