It’s Never a Decision

People may assume it is a choice.

That at some point I sat down, weighed the options, and decided to live a double life. That there was a moment of deliberate calculation where I chose one path over another with full awareness of what I was doing.

That’s not how it worked.

My divided self didn’t decide. It responded. The behavior that defined my other life was never preceded by a conscious thought that said — go this direction. It was automatic. Instantaneous. Driven by something so deeply wired that decision making never entered into it.

That was one of the hardest things to understand about myself. And one of the most important.

If it’s never a decision then it’s never a choice. Not in the way most people understand choice. And if it’s never a choice — then the question of how it happens runs much deeper than anyone wants to look.

My memoir — Mr. Hyde and Me — looks that deep.

It publishes on Amazon in July , 2026.

mrhydeandme.com

This is part of a countdown series leading to the July, 2026 launch of Mr. Hyde and Me: How I Live as Two Different Men.

by Benjamin F Sautter